on the other side!

Transitions are hard for T.

Holidays are really hard for T.

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It shows in her inabilities...

to look at the camera

 find a natural smile

 or enjoy much of the "festivities" at all

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Her deficits make it difficullt, almost impossible to understand [most] expectations

or healthily perceive the happening around her.

The gatherings, gift giving, card getting, festive music, ALL contributed to

 REALLY BIG ANXIETY!!!

Despite our intentional parenting and decision making

T was in SURVIVAL mode much more than not :(

Her stress manifests in

verbal outbursts

the inability to obey

unkindness

feeling injustices of all kinds

tantrums

etc

** But we survived, and relished some moments of joyful memory making!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

T's sisters and brothers headed back to school today,

and as expected it been a tough day :(

Even going back to a normal schedule is a transition... and causes some "fall out"

But I'm ready for a more predictable routine again,

to make steps forward in our attachment [therapy] once more.

I'm under NO illusions, however, we'll just slide back into a desired "mode".

It no doubt comes with much determination & intentional parenting, lots of patience & flexibility too!

Hey, we made it to the other side of Christmas... Phew!!!

And it's a NEW YEAR ... 2013 is going to be GREAT... if even just in perspective!!!

Happy New Year Friends!!!

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances..." I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Catching Up in this Fall Season

It's been almost a month since I last posted. Goodness gracious, how can that be?? August quickly finished it self off, and September came in full force! This post is going to basically be a giant catching up post... Here we go!

We started back to school bright and early on August 27th. We are all going back to our small Charter school, except for 'T' who is being home schooled.

I ('M') am a sophmore in high school this year. I've been loving it so far, and my favorite subject is Biology! I enjoy seeing my friends, getting to know my new teachers, and of course I do learn things! :) I started playing volleyball again this year! I started playing for my first year at school this time. I started on JV, but was just bumped up to Varsity. It's been very exciting, and I just love the girls! This year has been busy so far, but very fun and exciting!

'E' started her first year of high school this year! I know... ca-ra-zay! She got together with many of her friends this summer, but was also very excited to start school again. Besides getting up early, she loves school. She has always been our most creative one, so she loves her art class. 'E' is also our only girl soccer star, and is playing varsity soccer for school. Their team has been learning together this year, and just won their first game! She is always telling funny stories from her day, and keeps us laughing.

The boys are also back into the swing of things. 'J' started 4th grade this year.  He is always a little nervous on the first day of school, but did so well. He was excited to see the kids in his class again, and he really likes his teacher. 'S' started 1st grade...what?! Our little man isn't going to be so little anymore. He has a locker for the first time this year, and he actually gets to do homework. Both of them can get distracted while doing their homework, but they're doing great. They have already learned so much!

'T' is being home schooled again this year. I did a post a while ago on "Table Time". This is something she does mostly all day everyday. Since she has gone through so much trauma and is still having attachment issues, it is best she is at home with mom. Table Time is something that is predictable for her. She can color, do worksheets, she has beads, legos, and sometimes polly pockets. It a way that will help build her trust with us, and keep her world simple. So her every morning routine is the same, and my mom keeps up with her and best as possible - So she's in charge, and not 'T'. As she learns to be a kid again, and to slowly trust us with her everyday needs... It strengthens bonding & attachment. (I will do an "achievement" post on her soon) She also goes outside a couple times a day, and enjoys the fresh air. The routine is definitely different, but we do what is best for the whole family's needs.

The weather has been getting pretty cold already... Actually turned the heat on in the house for the first time today. Most of us LOVE Fall though! The colors, bonfires, and crisp air. And thought I'd end with a picture I recently took. :)

Happy Fall everyone! 

~Michlyn

A Little Update & Prayers Please!

This summer has gone by way too fast! We enjoyed soccer from mid May - early July. Erin & I went on a trip to New Orleans with our youth group, and we've kept it low key here at home. We've gotten together with friends, trips to a water park, sleeping in the camper, & and of course "pajama days"!

Although those things have been fun, other things have not been so fun. 'T' has had some of the hardest days yet. Of course through July, there were some anniversaries and that can even throw her off. Routine is something she needs, because she hasn't had it her whole life. When you live in an orphanage, you don't know what the next day brings. You don't know when you'll eat, and there is very minimal sleep. There is heartbreak every day.

'T' still struggles and will continue to struggle with her heartbreak. Things have changed dramatically throughout her life, and some of those memories will never go away. When those moments come back to her, she gets stuck. Stuck with an attitude that would blow your socks off. It's hard to watch what comes from that attitude. 'T' is a fighter, and she will go to all measure just to win.

We keep her safe, give her what she needs, but things that cause heartbreak just don't get deleted. We let her know what's happening and take care of her. She gets food, water, clothes, a family, & playtime. But she thinks she's worthless. When you've gone through so much in your life, you feel like you don't deserve anything. We love her through the good & bad, but we always need guidance and provision.

Our family has gone through some very rough patches in our life lately. If you can keep us all especially 'T' & my awesome, amazing, and loving momma in your prayers... that would sooo appreciated. We forget that sometimes you can't do it alone. God is always with us, but when you've got the prayers of sweet friends... it's always better. <3

In Christ,
~Michlyn

Part 2: Hope... in brokenness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time a scared little girl on the other side of the world lost everything.

Years later,  God would collide our worlds into "FAMILY"

Together, we would face the brokenness that had become our life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finding HOPE in the brokenness of this world, however, takes much patience & perserverance.

Seeing the effects loss & hurt has on our youngest daughter is heart breaking.

Adoption is one of the hardest things I've ever been a part of...

T. has lost through death, poverty, seperation & abandonment.

She lost the ability to be a "child", an innocent child protected from the bad things around her.

She knows fear &  uncertainty!

The trauma has equipped her with the need to take care of herself.

And has convinced her no one is trustworthy!

She has built a wall,  a strong coarse wall!

When I come too close to those "protected" places, I am met with painful abbrasions - like your  body connecting with a rough, pitted, unfamiliar surface... it stings :(

T is guarded... I am pushed back & rejected!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

T. is a surviver ... a God given strength that most definitely aided in her becoming my daughter.

When she's in survival, I find  myself struggling to be the mom to T. that I know how to be.

The available & familiar love I have for my children is NOT received by T, it's not even what she needs at this time.

T is unable to accept love-like I long to give to her :(

So I am striving to learn a new way to love T.

(and I will ... slow but sure)

Different from what I know, but better for both of us.

~LOVE is giving our child what she can receive~

It's not about me!

It's about becoming who God created me to be, despite how I thought it would look.

And letting God love T through me.

 Once again, I'm holding ever so tightly to God's promises of HOPE.

"For I know the plans I have for you"' declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE  and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

It's not an accident I am T's momma... I believe it's all part of His divine plans for my life - For each one of our lives :)

His plan to give us HOPE and a future!

God's plans for us promise to be greater than anything we could dream of for ourselves.

He knit this FAMILY together for His glory!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A sweet friend reminded me just today,

"God chose you, out of millions of other momma's, to be her one and only. And God doesn't make mistakes. He will refine you and grow you, while He heals her."

T has lost much, all that once felt safe and familiar.

Today, we pray for HOPE to fill her heart!

For trust to be restored.

We pray for wisdom & guidance as we walk this blessed & difficult journey... For redemption!

Moment by Moment!!!!

Clinging to HOPE,

Becky

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Resource: Hope Connections / www.tohavehope.com

Wordless Wednesday

deflated

It's been another one of those days

A couple things have changed to heighten the emotions around here;

We live in Minnesota, and we got Snow, which really is the first significant snow of the season!

Mostly though, it's been the "fun" kind...

It's nice enough outside to get out and enjoy it,

the snow is sticky - perfect for snowman & fort building.

Due to the icy roads, school was even closed for a day this week,

presenting the perfect opportunity for us all to go out to play in it :)

So what's the problem you ask???

_______________________________________________

Weather is a Trigger

As we experience a big snowstorm here in Minnesota, I am reminded how much weather is a trigger for our kids. Weather is a sensory event and therefore connected to sensory memory, not verbal memory. As intentional parents, we have to consider the fact that weather can trigger that high-alert (limbic) system in our children. It might seem like a good idea to send a kid out to play in all of this new snow, but that's based on our experiences and our nonverbal history, not necessarily theirs. The same goes for the other seasons that bring many weather conditions. Weather is such a sensory experience...all the way from feeling the sun's heat on your skin to the taste of snowflakes and every rumble and raindrop in between.


These last few months have been so weird weather-wise and so unpredictable. So remember that if your kids are fighting you about going outside, forget how to put their boots on, or lose it when they come inside, they may have been triggered and sent to hight alert - a place where it is hard to come back from.

Identifying when our children have been triggered is key to addressing negative behaviors in a way that will keep life manageable and peaceful. If you would like to explore your child's triggers and set a plan in place to address them with specific tools and techniques, just go to www.tohavehope.com to reserve your coaching session

Hope Connections / Stacy Manning / http://www.tohavehope.com/ / Post Adoption Support

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I no more than read the words above and our day was off to a hard start :(

T. struggled to obey.

She became unwilling and unable to ready herself to go outside & refused help.

I found myself in need of many deep breaths.

We managed to get her outside, and for some time she definitely enjoyed the freshair & play time.

(Thanking God for little successes.)

~~~~~

Unfortunately, however, the turning of the calendar seems to be causing much turmoil as well.

I've mentioned a short time ago we would hit some painful anniversaries for T in the coming months

March is one of them.

So as we flipped the calendar once again,

many of us anticipate days of melting snow & more sunshine.

A time of year we begin planning for fresh starts & new life.

T. is filled with ANXIETY, fear & doubt

She pushes loved ones away, as she imagines whats in store for her this month & each month after that.

Trust is thin.

Pain is raw.

So much of this day proved to be a battle.

I felt like a "punching bag" in more ways than one 

...And I'm deflated...

~~~~

Praying

 for brighter days ahead.

for healing.

for restoration.

 for building trust.

and excepted care & love.

So very thankful for loving encouragement & the renewed strength in the words of His truth!

Thank you Jody for your willingness to care for me & my family, in all it's many forms.

I am We are blessed!

~~~~~

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I will delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulities.

For when I am weak, than I am strong.

II Corinthians 12:9-10