Part 2: Hope... in brokenness

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Once upon a time a scared little girl on the other side of the world lost everything.

Years later,  God would collide our worlds into "FAMILY"

Together, we would face the brokenness that had become our life.

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Finding HOPE in the brokenness of this world, however, takes much patience & perserverance.

Seeing the effects loss & hurt has on our youngest daughter is heart breaking.

Adoption is one of the hardest things I've ever been a part of...

T. has lost through death, poverty, seperation & abandonment.

She lost the ability to be a "child", an innocent child protected from the bad things around her.

She knows fear &  uncertainty!

The trauma has equipped her with the need to take care of herself.

And has convinced her no one is trustworthy!

She has built a wall,  a strong coarse wall!

When I come too close to those "protected" places, I am met with painful abbrasions - like your  body connecting with a rough, pitted, unfamiliar surface... it stings :(

T is guarded... I am pushed back & rejected!

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T. is a surviver ... a God given strength that most definitely aided in her becoming my daughter.

When she's in survival, I find  myself struggling to be the mom to T. that I know how to be.

The available & familiar love I have for my children is NOT received by T, it's not even what she needs at this time.

T is unable to accept love-like I long to give to her :(

So I am striving to learn a new way to love T.

(and I will ... slow but sure)

Different from what I know, but better for both of us.

~LOVE is giving our child what she can receive~

It's not about me!

It's about becoming who God created me to be, despite how I thought it would look.

And letting God love T through me.

 Once again, I'm holding ever so tightly to God's promises of HOPE.

"For I know the plans I have for you"' declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE  and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

It's not an accident I am T's momma... I believe it's all part of His divine plans for my life - For each one of our lives :)

His plan to give us HOPE and a future!

God's plans for us promise to be greater than anything we could dream of for ourselves.

He knit this FAMILY together for His glory!

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A sweet friend reminded me just today,

"God chose you, out of millions of other momma's, to be her one and only. And God doesn't make mistakes. He will refine you and grow you, while He heals her."

T has lost much, all that once felt safe and familiar.

Today, we pray for HOPE to fill her heart!

For trust to be restored.

We pray for wisdom & guidance as we walk this blessed & difficult journey... For redemption!

Moment by Moment!!!!

Clinging to HOPE,

Becky

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Resource: Hope Connections / www.tohavehope.com

Hope

Many of you know we have a baby girl in heaven...

At 20 weeks gesitional, our angel baby was diagnosed with a birth defect, incompatible with life.

The time between Laura's diagnosis and her birth was a precious gift from God.

We grieved the "life" we pictured with our fourth child in it, here on earth.

We began planning for a celebration of her life, albeit too short.

And though it was our deepest desire to carry our sweet baby full term, it was not to be.

Laura was a mover & a shaker... One of my most active babes... Another gift from her Creator.

But one Sunday morning in May, I was unable to get her to dance like she did.

Later that day, we were informed Laura Grace's heart had stopped.

She was safe in the arms of Jesus before I held her mine.

After 17 hours of labor, our tiny & beautiful baby girl was born sleeping.

Perfect in the eyes of God and ours!

Laura Grace, though she never took a breath, will live forever in our hearts & minds.

Amidst all the sorrow, pain & grieve of losing our baby girl,

we had HOPE, still do!

We rejoice knowing we'll see & hold our tiny daughter/sister again.

Our Laura Grace has never known the hurt or sadness this world sometimes brings,

just LOVE & JOY, in the presence of her Father in heaven.

Dear Sweet Laura Grace,

Happy 8th Birthay ... There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you.

As God's angels sing happy birthday to you in heaven, we celebrate you and the family we've become due to the honor of being your family, here on earth!

I love you baby girl and dream of a day in heaven,

with your arms wrapped around my neck, hearing you say, "Hi Mommy!"

Together forever with our Savior & King! 

Momma loves & misses you, Sweetie!

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; ... your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA GRACE!!!!

re-focusing

lessons in liking

I read "one thankful moms" blog often ... Lisa has a way of speaking the very truth of my heart and breathes encouragement and support to me simultaneously!

Not everyone will relate to the attached topic but I am inspired by her courage to talk about this real issue and her positive & tangible ways of addressing it.

Thanking God today for His wonderful & creative ways of filling me with HOPE for all life's moments!

I am blessed!!
~Becky

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To check out her blog/post click here!

calendar pages

It's the second year we have been along side our Ethiopian born daughter during some

very significant and hard anniversaries :(

The losses aren't written on any calendar, but rather on our little girl's heart.

The time of year her world turned upside down, more than once is NOT consciously known but SO obviously felt in the very core of our daughter.

Everything changes for a span of time...

Goes backward!

Trust that seemed to be building, slips away and is replaced with intense grief, anger,

and a need to once again depend solely on herself.

Long before we ever saw her precious littel face or knew she would one day be our daughter...

A tiny little girl on the other side of the world experienced loss & pain far greater

than many do in a long life time.

Hurts, I was not there to comfort her through and still can't take away.

But she is a daughter to the King and He holds her heart in his hands-

He is able to give her healing and has divine purpose for every part of her life.

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I believe without a doubt ADOPTION is God's heart.

"In love he predestined us to be adopted as His sons and daughters through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will." Ephesians 1:5

Adoption is wonderful and beautiful!

Adoption is also painful and one of the hardest things I have ever been a part of!

Our daughter remembers her birth family - misses them with everything in her!

And can't truly grasp the blessing of a forever family, when her first family wasn't forever.

I imagine it could take many years before she will begin to trust we are her "forever family" and won't ever give up on her!

So once again as we turn the pages of our calendar, 

our daughter, who came to us through God's miracle of adoption, grieves!

I wish it didn't have to be...

But as we walk this path before us, we cling to God's promises to each of us.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

One step at a time ... One day at time... Moment by moment

Prayerfully His,

Becky

Christmas break...

Yesterday, was the first day off from our "normal" routine!

The beginning of "Christmas Break"

I look forward to the time together and the reprieve from the usual daily routine...

That being said, I so thrive in "routine" and believe my children (and many others) also do better with knowing the plan & expectation :)

But today, most of my kiddo's enjoyed a laid back day of just being together!

A break ... from the get up and GO schedule!

 NOT watching the clock all day long for the next trip out was a welcome relief.

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But I said "most" of my kiddo's :(

Just as it's been since the beginning of the holiday season - in November with the celebration of multiple family birthdays and Thanksgiving ...

T. is struggling!

She struggles with even the slightest change in "normal" routine

And unfortunately, the first day of her siblings home for Christmas break, did NOT prove to be easy on her.

It puts her into a "funk"

Uncertain what the "break" in routine means for her...

She finds her [intentionally] predictable world become a bit too big to manage :(

We are working tirelessly to help her depend not in what she is capable of managing but to trust in the mom, dad and forever family God has given to love,care for and guide her.

With T's background of loss & trauma, this process is a very painful & difficult one.

She is guarded.

Trust does NOT come easy, and why should it?

What her past has taught her is; bad things do happen & loved one go away.

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The "normal" structure of our family is forever different and constantly changing

As we look at our way of life with a NEW perspective and make choices with the past of our youngest and for the best of our WHOLE family in mind.

This is HARD!

But we feel God leading and equipping, moment by moment.

It's not what we imagined things would be like.

I definitely miss the peaceful & carefree days that Christmas [break] use to be

But believe it's okay to miss what once was but NOT dwell there.

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The Holiday season & celebrations may feel more stressful this year and maybe always will,

but no amount of anxiety, hurt or chaos can ever change the reason we celebrate Christmas!

Each and every day, moment by moment

we will continue to put our trust in the One who was born that first Christmas morn

who came to die for us,

and give us LIFE!

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And it's our heart's desire to live a life that gives glory to God

It isn't picture perfect,

But God led us into the hard & messy places of life

And it's exactly where we want to be,

trusting & more dependent in Him alone!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

God Bless,

~Becky

"I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ  the Lord." Luke 2: 10-11

Mighty to Save!

I know that many, many of you are following Jonathan's unfolding miracle! I cannot even begin to tell you how much we appreciate your continued prayers as his family works hard to bring him home.

Over the last few days there have been many obstacles to overcome. At times his adoption has almost seemed impossible.

BUT GOD!

He who sits upon the throne has heard every prayer on behalf on this precious young man! He truly is mighty to save the orphan.

This is an update from the precious family trying so very hard to bring Jonathan home:

"The Embassy in his country has made Jonathan's case priority. They emailed back quickly! All we have to do....get this....all we have to do is submit our I600a before his birthday to USCIS. We don't even need to update our home study to submit it! I'm overnighting it today! That is for his visa. One thing down.


Now, we are working on making sure the orphanage doesn't release him. We should know more about that today! I'll update you as soon as I hear anything! Praise the Lord! His hand has been on this the whole time! Even when I couldn't see through the fog! It almost doesn't seem real. I'm so humbled and blessed that we serve a God who cares so much for us, so much for Jonathan!

The prayers of God's people! That is what led us in the right direction. Thank you!"

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. There are still a few hurdles to jump over, but things are definitely starting to look more positive. Please keep praying! Pray that they will be able to keep Jonathan in the orphanage until his family gets there. Pray for a heart of compassion for those who make decisions on his behalf in his country. Our God is ABLE.

For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.
Zeph 3:17

Update on Jonathan!

AN UPDATE ON JONATHAN...


Oh my goodness gracious! What an outpouring of LOVE we have received for Jonathan. It truly has been an amazing thing to witness. Thousands and thousands of people have read his story in the last 48 hours--only because so many of you cared deeply enough to link on your blogs and facebooks. So many people shared his story. The army of God took up the mandate to care for the orphan!

I am so, so thankful.

As of yesterday we do have a family who has stepped forward and who is qualified to adopt Jonathan. That is the GOOD news. However, as things so often go with international adoptions, this is truly going to take a miracle. Definitely not impossible (for NOTHING is impossible with the King of Kings!), but it is going to take us all praying and believing that this young man WILL come home!

Many have asked me how they can be praying specifically for Jonathan and his adoption. Obviously with time being so crucial in this case, there are many obstacles in the way and we covet your prayers. Every day counts!

~~ The family who is trying to adopt Jonathan will have to have an update done on their homestudy. While this is typically a very simple and easy thing to have done (usually just a paragraph or two which needs to be added), unfortunately with the holidays upon us everyone is busy and they are struggling to find someone to do the update in a huge hurry. Please pray that the Lord, even now, will be moving on a social worker's heart to jump in and get the job done as quickly as possible. Pray that the Father will lead this potential family to the right person who can help them.

~~ Pray for great favor in applying for and getting the visa Jonathan needs to enter the country on. With so little time before he turns sixteen at the end of this month we really do need to pray that God will move this mountain too.

~~ Finances. With no time to fundraise (because adoption is insanely expensive!), his family will have to come up with lot of money super quickly. Again...not impossible. I know that many of you have said that you would love to help. I'll keep you updated on ways that you may be able to do that later.


~~ Timing is crucial here. Please pray that things will happen in the Lord's most perfect and amazing timing.


~~ And for Jonathan. Every time I think of him, my heart aches. He knows all too well that time is ticking by and that with every day that passes his dream of finding a family diminishes. I cannot even imagine all that must be going on in that young man's head right now. Fear, uncertainty, anxiety. Please pray that the Lord would put a hedge of protection around him and that He would keep him safe.

So, things ARE moving forward and there is definitely hope on the horizon for Jonathan, but getting him here truly is going to take a miracle of God. Thankfully, we serve THE God of miracles! Please keep praying that every mountain, every obstacle, and every plan of the enemy will NOT stand in the way of this boy coming home. It's a known fact in the adoption community that if you want your faith to be tested like never before...adopt a child! Why? Because this is spiritual warfare! Adoption is about rescuing children out of captivity--taking them out of darkness and bringing them into HIS glorious light. It is about the Kingdom of God advancing on the earth and many, many children being rescued from the most horrific situations our hearts could ever imagine.

But, adoption comes with a price. It is hard! It takes every ounce of faith you can muster on any given day. It takes courage, a huge heart, obedience, and a promise to your child waiting on the other side of the world that you will NEVER give up on them--no matter what the enemies camp throws your way!

All that to say that we need your continued prayers until Jonathan is safely united with his parents. Please pray church!


I will continue to keep you all updated on specifics as Jonathan's miracle unfolds. Thank you for all you have done to ensure that this young man does NOT become another statistic!

urgent!

I read a blog post this morning that has my heart breaking :(

[I'm re-posting it below]

You see, I'm a momma to many, including a 15 year old ... and my heart aches at the thought of any sweet child being set "free" at such a young vulnerable impressable age ... 15 or 16 is still a CHILD! A young person in need of love, connection, hope, care, provisions...

Please join me in praying & sharing the needs of this young man ... Jonathan!

To God be the glory!

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URGENT***URGENT


A couple of mornings ago I woke up to an e-mail in my inbox. "A boy needs help!" I read through the information and my heart broke. Not really knowing what my role was at that point, I prayed and trusted the Lord that He would send the right family.



I prayed the entire day on Monday for him. I checked in later that night to see if the many prayers being prayed on his behalf had been answered yet.



No, they hadn't!



Tuesday morning came and all I could think about was this poor young man. I started thinking about when I was a teenager, and what a blessed life I had--a warm bed, food in my tummy, the opportunity to go to school, and people who loved me. I put myself in his position and I felt physically sick.



You see, life as this one young man knows it is about to change. Drastically!



It was then that I knew that I knew that I needed to come to you, the amazing readers of my blog, with another rescue mission. I realized that, knowing all I know about him, if I choose not to advocate for him, well, I may just regret it for the rest of my life. I knew I had to try to help, and I also knew that you guys would be so faithful to rush in and help.



Friends, this time a young man, just fifteen years old, is literally on the brink of an absolute catastrophe!



This is Jonathan. I don't know anything of his history, only that he is an orphan in Eastern Europe.

On December 31, 2011, Jonathan will turn sixteen. A huge birthday for most teens. But a dreaded day for this young man. Soon after the day of his sixteenth birthday Jonathan will be given the "gift" of his freedom. Together with a small bag which contains all of his earthly possessions and about $30 in cash, he will be set free--no longer to be taken care of by a state orphanage.



Freedom?



Sadly, not!



Unfortunately, most of the children like Jonathan who "age out" of the system literally have nowhere to go. They are left on the streets to fend for themselves. With nowhere to turn, and no one to turn to, many end up in the trafficking industry. The majority never make it past their teen years. It is the sobering reality of most orphans who are forced to leave the only place of safety they know. The statistics are staggering. It is one of the many reasons adoption advocates fight so very hard to get children out of orphanages before it is too late. They know.



Here's the thing...



Jonathan has a matter of DAYS to find a family. Mere DAYS!



In order for this boy to be rescued from a life that few of us can even begin to imagine, a family needs to step forward in the next few days and commit to him! I'm told that as long as there is a commitment and the I600 visa is applied for, he will be kept where he is, and the adoption can be completed later. That's the good news.



Right now what is needed is a family who has adopted internationally before. From the contact I have been given, "He needs a family that is married, can travel, and has a homestudy that can be used for immigration approval and is willing to apply for immigration in the next week. If a family is ready to apply they will work directly with the facilitator who knows him."



One week! A visa HAS to be applied for in the next week in order to save this boy!



Here's a little we know about Jonathan:



"Jonathan is apparently a very, very good boy. He has a great sense of humor which has been confirmed by other kids in his class and two children who were recently adopted to U.S. He loves to work on a computer, takes part in virtually all theatrical performances organized at the orphanage, just a great actor, very calm when not on stage, never gets in trouble, loves sports and plays soccer, played basketball and trained in light athletics, studies at good level. Jonathan is respectful to adults and older children. He is obedient and always ready to help. NEEDS A FAMILY to file for immigration ASAP, can adopt later. BEGS translator when he visits if he has found his family yet, desperately wants to be adopted. Can be chatted to on Skype as well as email."



Oh, God in heaven, surely someone can go for this precious young man before it is too late? Surely he can be rescued in time? My heart cannot even bear the thought of what the alternative is.



Many, many people have joined in to spread the search for Jonathan's family as far and as wide as is possible. Many are praying and interceding on his behalf. Will you please join in? Would you use your blogs and your social networks to share Jonathan's desperate need for a family? It is only going to take ONE family to rise up and say yes. Just one. Surely between all of us we can help one boy to be united with his family...and spared the future he is rapidly heading toward? I have to believe it.



I believe with all my heart that we serve a God who LOVES to show His miracle-working power through seemingly impossible situations. He loves to show His power, His glory, and His faithfulness when all the odds are stacked up against us and things seem so dismal. Of course He can do this!



Thank you so much for joining us in the search for Jonathan's family! I appreciate it more than you will ever know.



Please, I'm begging you to share his story wherever you possibly can! It is the only way his family will find their son.



If anyone would like more information about adopting Jonathan, please contact Amy at waitingchildren@gmail.com