Hello February

That was quick... 1 whole month of the new year already tucked away.

A few happenings from January:

I (Michlyn) got my license! :)

Erin & I went to our school's Snowdaze Dance. It was a lot of fun! :)

J won 2nd place with his friend 'A' at school's "Invention Convention". 

He invented the iLego Case for an iPod Touch. :)

Happy February!

~Michlyn

good medicine :)

"He will yet fill your mouth with LAUGHTER and your lips with shouts of joy."

Job 8:21



Christmas Season 2012

Hope you all had a fantastic Christmas season! Ours was very busy and we're trying to get back into our normal routine. Me, Erin, J, and S have been on Christmas break ever since Thursday and went back last Wednesday. It went by way too fast. We were spoiled this year and can I just say we have the Best. Parents. Ever?!

Here's a look into our Christmas.

On Christmas Eve we go over to my grandparents house and celebrate with my dad's side of the family. 

Christmas Day {morning} we celebrate as a family. 

All 5 of us LOVED our gifts...boys were jumping with excitement and well the girls...tend to just smile and scream inside. :) 

Wishing you all a fantastic New Year! 2013 will be a great year! 

~Michlyn

on the other side!

Transitions are hard for T.

Holidays are really hard for T.

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It shows in her inabilities...

to look at the camera

 find a natural smile

 or enjoy much of the "festivities" at all

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Her deficits make it difficullt, almost impossible to understand [most] expectations

or healthily perceive the happening around her.

The gatherings, gift giving, card getting, festive music, ALL contributed to

 REALLY BIG ANXIETY!!!

Despite our intentional parenting and decision making

T was in SURVIVAL mode much more than not :(

Her stress manifests in

verbal outbursts

the inability to obey

unkindness

feeling injustices of all kinds

tantrums

etc

** But we survived, and relished some moments of joyful memory making!!!

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T's sisters and brothers headed back to school today,

and as expected it been a tough day :(

Even going back to a normal schedule is a transition... and causes some "fall out"

But I'm ready for a more predictable routine again,

to make steps forward in our attachment [therapy] once more.

I'm under NO illusions, however, we'll just slide back into a desired "mode".

It no doubt comes with much determination & intentional parenting, lots of patience & flexibility too!

Hey, we made it to the other side of Christmas... Phew!!!

And it's a NEW YEAR ... 2013 is going to be GREAT... if even just in perspective!!!

Happy New Year Friends!!!

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances..." I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Happy New Year!

Ok, so the 2 of you who actually still stop by and read this blog have requested an update :)

And to "you" I say thank you ... for your encouragement & support on this journey we call LIFE!

Happy New Year!

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**This post is intended to just be a filler, while I prepare a real update ... I'm thinking a "Post-Christmas" musing ... To be continued :)

Well Hello There!

Hi everyone! It's Michlyn!

It's been awhile...

Thought I'd give you an update on our always crazy-busy life.

I finished my volleyball season at the end of October. This week we had our banquet to celebrate the season. We had a potluck at school, the captains made a video, both JV & Varsity players were there, and we celebrated the parents and coaches. It was so much fun to look back on all the memories we made in just a couple months. I was awarded "defensive player of the year", lettered for playing varsity, and was also voted to be a captain for the 2013 season. I am so blessed to be on this team w/ girls I love! :)

Erin continues to be our social butterfly! She had her soccer banquet a few weeks ago & also lettered for playing on the varsity team. She's doing fantastic in school and never fails to make us laugh. Something else really exciting is that she just got her braces off!!!!! 5 years people.....

Her teeth are so perfect! I currently have my second set on, and hope to get them off in the next couple months.

'J' will soon turn 10! Whoa - double digits! I remember when I was 10. Both boys hope to have a double birthday party with some friends from school. He is doing great in school, and we always hear positive things from his teacher. He is a whiz at math! I also think he is looking too old...slow down little brother. :)

Our little cowboy 'S' turned 7...just 2 days after Thanksgiving. :) Some know that he is our little comedian! Here are some things that have made us laugh lately.

'S': (belting out a tune): "All I want for Christmas is yoouuu! .... Psshh, who wants a person for Christmas? Weird!"

S: "Mom says I can go on the computer for 25 minutes...That's a lot of minutes right 'J'?

Putting 'S' to bed:
*I pray*
S: Now I want to pray!
Me: Ok go ahead.
S: "Dear Jesus, I thank you for this day and that we'll sleep good. I hope I have no bad dreams, all good dreams with good stories in them, and no zombies or skeletons. 

'T' is still adjusting and recently got a haircut. It was hard to take care of her loooong hair, when sometimes she didn't want us to even touch it. So to keep it more healthy, we cut it. It's short just like when she came home, and it definitely brings out her beautiful brown eyes! We really like it and it's much easier to do when she wakes up. Attachment is always a work in progress with this girl and we hope that sooner rather than later, that things will start to actually get better. She has had a couple actually good days, but the next day always seems to send any hopes crashing down. It's been a big step for our family and change is always hard. We would love any prayers and hope you realize how much we appreciate it.

Blessings, and may your holidays be filled with joy!

~Michlyn

hole-y buckets!

Yesterday was one of those days that won't soon be forgotten :(

I had an appointment for my first mammogram.

Now I'm sure, for some of you, just that is too much information.

And though the remaining of this post has nothing to do with the actual appointment itself, feel free to read the next line, close the blog window and proceed on with your lives ;)

I am perfectly healthy :)

The core of this post really has to do with the fact that our daughter with a traumic past, knew I had such an appointment in the first place...



Can I just say that "ANXIETY" doesn't even come close to naming what was felt & displayed yesterday!

Oh, there was plenty of it but it was accompanied with so much more raw emotion.

Leaving us an unfortunate day for the history books of our lives.





My first mistake was letting our youngest daughter hear me make an appointmen,t which included a free breast cancer screening.

My second mistake was being too vague about the appointment - leaving T's big bad imagination to run away with her, and I mean really run away! :(

A simple, "Mom's okay" did not suffice for our daughter who has known so much loss,

including through sickness & death.

In a very short amount of time, T was convinced, I had lied about being okay, if I wasn't dying of breast cancer now, I eventually would - resulting in her losing 2 moms.

"And that would be very bad!"

Not to mention a belief that her being bad & unkind was somehow be to blame for all the sadness & injustices in her world.

Our day was a downward spiral of ANXIETY, FEAR, DOUBTS, GRIEF, & PAIN.

Buckets of the emotions were "dumped" out,

leaving us completely & utterely soaked & weighed down!

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But in the midst of it all, I wanted to record the glimpse of

HOPE that showed up.  To always remember the nuggets of progress that were given a voice yesterday...

For T "lossing" is a reality.

It's caused a need to push away anyone she begins to feel close to.

+ #1: She pushes me away with the greatest force - indictating positive feelings toward me.

wouldn't you agree?

Yesterday she expressed not wanting to lose another mom & telling me, even though she tells me everyday she hates me, she really does love me :)

* She said she loves me and her birth mother, her birth mother a little more but she does love me.

And I'll take it!

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+ #2: I was able to use the days events to tell her again, nothing she has ever done or will do has caused her losses to happen.

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+ #3: A realization, I am taking care of her, and have not left her to her own vices - like she's once known. She compared how things use to be in Africa and how she's beginning to see them now.

Now I know this is not something she'll claim forever or even admit again anytime soon.

In fact it only took a matter of a few minutes before she was she was using her arsenal of insults.

 but I'll take the snippet of hope I've been given.

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+ #4: A reenforced knowledge to when ever possible to make appointments out of ear shot of a little girl who can blow the simplest thing out of proporation. And when said child is in the know of some kind of appointment - lots of reassuring details can not be too many!

*Though I am sure, much like my daughter, I'll find myself mindlessly slipping back into this habit. Reality will remind me of it's neccisity once again. :)

 So even though the day started with a HOLE-Y bucket of emotions, I thank God for the ability to find his blessings in the muck of anxiety, fear, doubt & shame!

God is good all the time!