Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Adoption: Behind the Scenes

'T' is now 7yrs old and has been home for almost 3 years. Wow time flies. Just thought I'd give you a little "behind the scenes look" on my perspective of our adoption experience so far.

The first thing people see is a beautiful, spunky, & innocent little girl that is part of our family. If meeting someone for the first time, they ask her a lot of questions and just say how cute she is. The thing is...they don't know.

They don't know how hard our daily life can actually be.
They don't know how much trauma and hurt she's gone through.
They don't know how different everything was before.

Adoption is a miracle. It brings kids home from all over the world. And everyone who brings a child(ren) home always have different situations. Some are good, some are not so great, and others are rough.

Ours has been rough. Because behind that little girl with crazy curly hair, and a smile that could trick even the wisest person...Is a daughter of our King who is broken. Completely and utterly shattered into thousands of pieces.

The pieces of trust, love, connection, joy, security, and hope are missing. They were missing before we even laid our eyes on that very first picture of her. She doesn't have these problems because she was adopted, but because she was abandoned. In some way, shape, or form. That's why these pieces are missing.

And as I see the tantrums, tears, and hurt through her...I see more than just my broken sister. I see how she sees herself. I see how she thinks she should be treated. It's the hardest thing I've experienced.

Mostly I just want to cry at the hardship of it all and sometimes I want to laugh at the craziness God put into our lives.

The patience my parents have. The wisdom of therapists, friends, & prayer warriors. The protection and grace of our Savior.

It's all just a gigantic huge mess. Sometimes a bad mess. Sometimes a good mess.

When people don't understand our situation and chat and smile with my sister. I just want to scream. Because she barely does that with us. We should be the ones giving her the love, patience, and lessons of life and get a smile. But that's rare. And I just want to tell that person how they don't understand. How incredibly hard we try to make progress and teach her every. single. day.

1 yr. 2 yrs. 3 yrs.... Those walls around her heart have been falling a lot slower than we ever expected. Everything isn't hard of course. She's grown so much and learned quite a bit. But when survival kicks in from past memories or something triggers...we start sliding down instead of climbing up. And each step is going to be work & worth it.

This is exactly how we live without pretending. We show her the best we can and hope & pray that things will get better. I don't know who will truly understand this, but I hope it makes you think a little differently if anything at all.

I just needed to say this. And Jesus is faithful.

P.S. I'm doing a series on my personal blog called "Live without Pretending". I've done a couple more posts and will continue for the next week or two. To see the list you can click here and scroll down. Thanks!


Nine said...

I will pray and pray and pray and keep on praying. Promise.

Jody said...

Oh Michlyn!!! How articulate you are! You and your family are doing amazing things loving on "T" in the ways she needs you to. I know (only a little tiny bit) how hard it is and will continue to pray that the walls will fall and the pieces of her heart will mend.

Kendra said...

sweet Michlyn, your mama and i met in Denver just a few months ago. i get what you're saying....cause i'm another adoptive mom. we haven't had the hardships you have, but i GET IT. adoption is HARD. i appreciate your words and story and i will keep praying for you and your family that all will heal. Jesus heals. big hugs to you. please give a squeeze to your mommy for me. ~kendra

The dB family said...

It's a long and tough journey. Although we don't face the same issues as you do with 'T', we have lots of struggles too. God knows. He is our strength!