goals.

Be "inconsistent"...

was Wednesday's goal.

~~~~

We're stuck in a rutt!

Our routine had become too predictable!

Huh? How could this be? Too much routine?

Your talking to me, and I thrive with order & knowing what to expect.

I believe many people do, especially [my] children.

It provides structure & a feeling of safety and security.

This is especially important for T. who is in the very beginning stages of grasping the concept of provided safety and care.

So we did NOT go totally away from routine but added some "zest" to it

To assist in getting us out of our RUTT.

To keep us from knowing what to expect and sabotaging it.

[zest·ed, zest·ing, zests: To give zest, charm, or spirit to.]

It would give me the chance to be the "fun" momma I once was,

and still maintain an atmosphere of safety. :D

Win-win!

~~~~~

I readied myself to "throw things off" a bit. lol!

I still had the usual breakfast at the table when T. woke

but I was wearing rolled up pants, flip flops and had a flower in my hair

We listened to loud 80's music

which I can't help but dance & sing-a-long to... =)

We headed outdoors shortly after breakfast instead of waiting until the afternoon.

I filled the kitchen with the aroma of fresh popped popcorn, that we enjoyed for snack.

Took a different route to school & back, driving by friends house - and excitedly honked

and waved while doing so!

~~~~~

I wish I could report the day went exactly according to plan.

I can say, I had FUN being a little more spontaneous than usual...

popping popcorn in the morning time.

taking in Spring like fresh air before doing much else.

wearing a flower in my hair & my favorite; flip flops :)

~~~

Unfortunately however, T. was not enjoying one bit of mom's "fun" side.

She became agitated.

Her aggravation led to a "fight" response.

And our day went down hill :(

Our goal to add a little "zest" to our day was thrown to the wind

and we were in survival...

Both of us!

Now doing everything it took to keep my [fighting] little girl & myself safe.

The day wasn't a complete loss...

All the kids enjoyed the popcorn snack awaiting them after school.

I listened to some good music I hadn't listened to in a long time.

S & I got in some dancing together :)

And though the result wasn't exactly what we hoped for,

T. WAS bumped out of her rutt!

I also think she now believes I am STRONG enough to take care of her

and all the big uglies she's holding on to.

~~~~

For better or worse, we're now back to the more familiar routine again.

Thankful for the forward strides we made.

So much more thankful we don't walk this journey alone!

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go... I will not leave you until

I have done what I have promised you."

Genesis 28:15

  

GOOD things come in small packages...

Okay, so the start of our day was GOOD.

And it was nice.

But, you know that saying "GOOD things come in small packages"?

I think it appropriaately applies to our day today.

I am still thankful to the peaceful start to our day,

it however was just for a little while :(

~~~~

I love chocolate!

I suppose though, if I ate the whole bag all in one sitting,

the "sweet" gift of chocolate would really no longer taste quite as sweet.

I know, I grasping here...

Trying desperately to keep hold of the blessing this GOOD morning was :)



Thankful for the blessing a little ray of sunshine is amidst some hard days.

I am still blessed,

Becky

tidal wave

We are in a "tidal wave" zone :(

Our little girl's GRIEF is overwhelming!

She is not able to give words to her "anger"

but her pain is apparent and so heartbreaking!

~~~~~~~

We have not shared our daughter's story in completion, because it's just that, hers.

But she has experienced more loss & pain than most adults can even fathom.

Until now, she's maneuvered through such heart wrenching loss & hurt on her own.

She's a fighter.

Broken.

un-trusting.

T. has very high & strong walls built up.

She resists excepting any help; pushes away all offered comfort, sympathy, compassion & love!

~~~~~~

As a momma who wants desperately to soothe her hurts, my heart breaks from my inability to

love her pain away.

I can't make it better!

 But I trust in the Great Physician ... He can give healing and I pray for this miracle for our daughter's precious heart & life often.

~~~

I have to admit though, when T's emotions swell up like a tidal wave and her "anger" seems beyond BIG, it's hard not to get knocked over & succumbed by it all.

I find myself responding to the anger & hurtfulness and not the GRIEF I know to be flooding our broken little girl.

 I so desire to be used to be an example of God's unfailing love & care for each of our children. I pray for eyes to see what really is and not the emotional mask hiding the fears.

So today, as we doggie-paddle through the storm, I'm reaching for the one who walks on water & holds our day & lives in the palm of His hand.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."

John 14:1

In prayer,

~Becky

re-focusing

unexpected...

We are in the midst of some very painful anniversaries for our little T.

As expected, there have been set backs

T. is struggling with staying in the present and not slipping back to her difficult days of Ethiopia.

Those past "difficulties" have crept into our everyday lives :(

We are working to NOT let the pain define her...

But to remember what & who she loves in Ethiopia.

 That each of us could use our hurts to grow.

be better.

learn.

For T to become the beautiful strong little girl God created her to be!

And trust in our God's sovereign & faithful purpose in our lives!

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose, for me; your love O LORD, endures forever"

Psalm 138:8

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What I did NOT expect...

Is my response in this time of grief :(

There's an inward sadness.

I'm tired.

less patient.

stuck in a rutt.

It's so frustrating... to want to see things through His eyes only to be bogged down by my weaknesses.

~~~~~~~~~~~

But I am trusting in the truth of His words.

Resting in His faithful love & perfect timing!

One foot in front of the other,

Becky

This is what the LORD says:

"Stand at the crossroads and look... ask where the good way is and walk in it,

and you will find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16