A year ago, we held our daughter for the first time & looked into the eyes we had only peered into through pictures…
She was more beautiful than we dreamed… a sweet shy little girl, both nervous and anticipatory of the moments when “strangers” would come for her. She seemed familiar with the visits from the “new” mommy’s and daddies. It had only been a few weeks since she said goodbye to her dearest friend and the new family who had come to bring her home.
She was walked over to us, a few words spoken to her by a nanny, all of us surrounded by many excited energetic children –
Simultaneously, the moments were both wonderful & awkward… all very surreal!
It didn’t take long before she claimed us as her own & the backpack we carried along too – her curious little hands were exploring the contents in no time. She delighted in the “treasures” we brought – lollipops & bubbles for everyone, her very own sunglasses & sparkly ball to play catch with. She let a few friends try on her new glasses but only with her assistance and only for a brief second or two. She led children away from us, to claim our laps & attention for hers alone.
Our time together that first day slipped by quickly & before we knew it we were saying goodbye – Each of us aware, just a few days later we would be together again, and this time united as a family forever.
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One year later ... it is harder than I could have ever imagined.
I'm jealous ... of those whose journey's seem to have fallen effortlessly into place.
And I want things to be easier.... We knew our start together would be difficult, we did not expect the intensity it would become a year later…
So I look into the photos above and a few others - and remember to connect with my precious daughter who has lost so much and choose to see the past that will always be a part of her and who she will become… it gives me strength to renew my compassion and empathy and be the instrument of healing & love I’ve been called to be for our precious daughter – and be the momma for her, God created me to be.
We’ve come a long way in a year … And believe Tarekech Josi Hope is the child God intended to grow up in our family- all her beauty, grief & broken-ness are now part of what makes up our family. We have been uniquely knit together by God. So much of our journey is not as we expected… but every difficult step is worth the more humble & compassionate family we have grown to be.
We are blessed beyond measure …
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, ... "plans to give you HOPE and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
In Him,
1 comment:
Your verse, the one at the end, it's the same one we have been holding on to since the beginning of our adoption journey. It's a lot harder than I expected too. I'll let you know in about ten months how the first year had been :o). Thank you for sharing your heart, and allowing your beautiful daughter to share hers also.
Blessings!
Deborah
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