a love letter.

Dear Family & Friends,

Someone recently shared with us some questions & concerns regarding the attachment methods we use with Tarekech. We don't want to go into lots of specifics nor do we want to become defensive. However, we would like to close the gap, even a little, between your perception and our true intentions, prayers & hopes for our precious daughter.

As it's always been the case, we parent EACH of our children with their unique needs in mind.
And Tarekech has experienced unfathomable grief & loss! Our daughter, born on the other side of the world, did NOT deserve to know hunger, sickness, & heartbreak like she has! She lost her birth country, culture and language; everything & everyone she ever knew and loved, all before the age of five! Imagine just a fraction of these losses for yourself or your child, and the heart ache seems too great for anyone to bear.

Because of her past traumas, Tarekech's needs are VERY DIFFERENT! Very Different from our other children, your children, grandchildren or the neighbors children.
In the same way, parenting Tarekech also needs to be different, very different. It is our love for Tarekech that gives us strength to provide for her in non-traditional ways. It's getting a glimpse of our sovereign Lord move mountain’s to bring our family together. It's trusting in His perfect plans and purposes for all our lives. It is holding to the promise that He works all things for good [Romans 8:28] that makes turning our world upside down to effectively love our daughter worth every bit of our chaotic & changed life. It's letting God transform our whole family and allowing Him to love Tarekech through us.

We don't expect you to fully understand. From our own experience, we know this is not something any one can truly grasp until they walked a mile in these shoes. We know life doesn't look like you might have expected it to when we joyfully grew our family through the miracle of adoption. After much time & energy invested in preparing for the special needs a hurt child could bring, it's different from what even we expected or planned for. We know!

BUT WE WON'T GIVE UP!
Our first goal for Tareh Jo is to give her a "one and only"... to allow her to depend not on herself but to trust in the care of her mom and dad. Studies indicate it can take twice the amount of time you were separate from one another before a child begins to be accepting of a “one and only”.
To do this, it's important that we (her mom & dad) meet all her needs. Tareh Jo's hurts run deep, but we are willing to do whatever it takes for however long it takes!
You can help by showing Tareh you support us (her mom & dad) and trust us to take care of her. We also ask that you avoid physical touch with Tareh - If you must pat, squeeze or shake, please, do so with us (her mom & dad), we will pass it on when the time is right. :D Even addressing your questions for Tareh toward us (her mom & dad), will help relieve some of the anxiety & pressure she feels to answer in a way she thinks you want her to.

Again we realize that much of what we're asking from you is the opposite of how we normally respond to children & other young people... But just as Tareh's needs are DIFFERENT so your interaction with her needs to be also. If you’re unsure what is helpful or not, don't hesitate to ask. We'll do our best to communicate our needs at the time.

We thank you for all you have done and continue to do to encourage and support our family. Please continue to uphold us in your prayers. Pray for healing for our little girl’s heart with us. And believe that DJ and I are the same two people who have always desired to be the best [parents] we can be. We don't take this responsibility lightly. We are working with (post)adoption professionals as well as spending time with other families going through similar trials. And most importantly we are leaning more on our God & His love for us than ever before ... We believe He will use every part of our journey for His glory!

Love in Christ,

DJ & Becky Fisher and family

"We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:2-5

walk & recycle

a beautiful sunny day.

but oh so windy!

determination to make the best of this day, no matter what.

so T. and I ventured on a walk this afternoon.

we went with bags in hand & a  mind set to find aluminum cans.

the wind was helpful in literally pushing us along :)

and find cans did we ever!

~~~~~~~~

celebrating a spring walk with smiles
and recycling rewards!

field trip, fiesta, & parties, oh my!

Fortunately & unfortunately,

our weekend  was very busy.

I had the priviledge of chaperoning a field trip to the Como Park Conservatory

with J's class on Friday.

It was great to spend the day with J. and see the conservatory through the eyes of many third graders.

We were on a mission to find 4 different types of plant & animal life.

When they did, they recorded their findings through drawn pictures :)

Their creativity is fasinating!  

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weekend also included

a Fiesta Mexicana event with our High School Spanish Students.

M. participated in a musical number with fellow classmates.
She did great and they all made us smile :D

 

The evening was filled with food & lots of laughter!


~~~~~~~~~~

The big girls and I attended an Initials party at Gramma Carol's during the weekend too!

We spent time together with other "girls" eating, laughing, and catalog shopping.

~~~~~~~~

On top of all that, DJ and I also made time to attend a 70th birthday party for a dear friend.
The time was filled with sharing the many ways Kathy has & continues to impact our lives.

We laughed a lot and pray Kathy felt as special as she makes others feel so often!

~~~~~~~~~

I felt fortunate to take part in many fun events over the course of the weekend.

Unfortunately, my being away for the snippets of time causes much anxiety at home :(

T. especially is struggling this Monday morning.

I anticipate it to take some time before she is feeling safe again.

In the mean time, we'll take our days moment by moment...

nothings impossible :)

speaks volumes

This picture...

 says so much about our day.

~~~~~~~~~

T.

tucked behind a book.

BIG & crazy hair.

a used kleenex by her side.

~~~~~~~

T.

trying to hide herself away from the WHOLE world.

out of control emotions & attitude.

tears that expose much more than she'd ever say for herself.

------------------

Behind the scenes...

A momma.

dreaming of time she could steal AWAY for herself.

wading through the mess that has become her life.

"In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help."

Psalm 18:6

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a single picture.

SPEAKS VOLUMES!

shamrock wishes

If you’re lucky enough to be Irish…you’re lucky enough!

May the roads rise to meet you. May the wind be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall soft upon your fields. And, until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand. May trouble avoid you wherever you go and nothing but happiness come through our door.

May your blessings out number the shamrocks that grow. May your troubles be less and your blessings be more.

May your home always be too small to hold your friends.

May your neighbors respect you and troubles neglect you and Heaven accept you.

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day 2012!!!

 

spring break successes :)

We are on day 5 of Spring Break!

And I'm happy to report,

we have had some successes!

~~~~~

Michlyn's home from her school trip to Chicago with Choir!

She had a great time!

Though she slept in this morning, when she did rise she was quick to download

 her trip pics and tell us about some of her Chicago adventures.

We are so happy to have her home, safe & sound =)

We miss her when she's gone!

We've enjoyed some mornings afernoons of just being.

Staying in pajama's well into the day.

E...Texting friends. :)

Hanging out together.

Snuggled up.

Playing games.

Watching a movie or two.

And of course, eating.

Hmmm? Rules are to keep food in the kitchen...

But I snuck downstairs to take these pics and caught 'em "red-handed"

J's hand in a snack bowl.

S's mouth full

And I'm pretty sure E's got a little something under cover too.

I think we've got ourselves a few volunteers for vacuuming :)

 ~~~~~

You can't tell from these pictures but the weather has also been PERFECT!

Tempertures in the 60's... and word has it we may hit 70's before the week's end.

Mounds of snow have given way to cleared sidewalks, just right for Spring walks & bike riding.

~~~~~

All in all, not a bad start to our Spring break!

Praise the Lord for Spring break successes!!!

Turning 6!

We had a small and simple celebration for 'T's 6th birthday! It's her second birthday home. The more quiet family celebration was a perfect way to acknowledge the blessing of T. in all our lives...

We are honored to be your family T. And look forward to many more years to celebrate the person God has created you to be. Happy 6th Birthday Sweetie!!!!!!

...doing what boys do :)

a beautiful Saturday.

warm tempertures.

melting snow.

boys taking it all in... doing what boys do!

following streams of snow.

finding the first of the seasons treasured rocks.

of course, also managing to get a bit wet.

"Spring is in the air!"

goals.

Be "inconsistent"...

was Wednesday's goal.

~~~~

We're stuck in a rutt!

Our routine had become too predictable!

Huh? How could this be? Too much routine?

Your talking to me, and I thrive with order & knowing what to expect.

I believe many people do, especially [my] children.

It provides structure & a feeling of safety and security.

This is especially important for T. who is in the very beginning stages of grasping the concept of provided safety and care.

So we did NOT go totally away from routine but added some "zest" to it

To assist in getting us out of our RUTT.

To keep us from knowing what to expect and sabotaging it.

[zest·ed, zest·ing, zests: To give zest, charm, or spirit to.]

It would give me the chance to be the "fun" momma I once was,

and still maintain an atmosphere of safety. :D

Win-win!

~~~~~

I readied myself to "throw things off" a bit. lol!

I still had the usual breakfast at the table when T. woke

but I was wearing rolled up pants, flip flops and had a flower in my hair

We listened to loud 80's music

which I can't help but dance & sing-a-long to... =)

We headed outdoors shortly after breakfast instead of waiting until the afternoon.

I filled the kitchen with the aroma of fresh popped popcorn, that we enjoyed for snack.

Took a different route to school & back, driving by friends house - and excitedly honked

and waved while doing so!

~~~~~

I wish I could report the day went exactly according to plan.

I can say, I had FUN being a little more spontaneous than usual...

popping popcorn in the morning time.

taking in Spring like fresh air before doing much else.

wearing a flower in my hair & my favorite; flip flops :)

~~~

Unfortunately however, T. was not enjoying one bit of mom's "fun" side.

She became agitated.

Her aggravation led to a "fight" response.

And our day went down hill :(

Our goal to add a little "zest" to our day was thrown to the wind

and we were in survival...

Both of us!

Now doing everything it took to keep my [fighting] little girl & myself safe.

The day wasn't a complete loss...

All the kids enjoyed the popcorn snack awaiting them after school.

I listened to some good music I hadn't listened to in a long time.

S & I got in some dancing together :)

And though the result wasn't exactly what we hoped for,

T. WAS bumped out of her rutt!

I also think she now believes I am STRONG enough to take care of her

and all the big uglies she's holding on to.

~~~~

For better or worse, we're now back to the more familiar routine again.

Thankful for the forward strides we made.

So much more thankful we don't walk this journey alone!

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go... I will not leave you until

I have done what I have promised you."

Genesis 28:15

  

Not Normal {Black & White}

When I see this.

I go back.

Go back to the peace, stillness, and kindness that I see.

'T' has been home about 20 months now, and it's harder than ever.

My brothers play so nicely, and give each other new ideas. Especially with their legos.

The quietness that my mom used to have, and not have to worry about.

But no matter how hard our day is we trust God is helping us through it.

He brought 'T' to us, and we love her so much.

What we used to have was "normal". And we're not normal. God doesn't want us to be "normal".

So as I see these moments, simply when my brothers are playing.

I go back. We go back. To the moments without our 'T'.

She has strengthened us and while we try to teach her, she has also taught us.

Thank you Jesus for all you do. You truly do find families for the lonely.

~Michlyn

God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy. Psalm 68:6 NLT

Wordless Wednesday

GOOD things come in small packages...

Okay, so the start of our day was GOOD.

And it was nice.

But, you know that saying "GOOD things come in small packages"?

I think it appropriaately applies to our day today.

I am still thankful to the peaceful start to our day,

it however was just for a little while :(

~~~~

I love chocolate!

I suppose though, if I ate the whole bag all in one sitting,

the "sweet" gift of chocolate would really no longer taste quite as sweet.

I know, I grasping here...

Trying desperately to keep hold of the blessing this GOOD morning was :)



Thankful for the blessing a little ray of sunshine is amidst some hard days.

I am still blessed,

Becky

GOOD morning.

[This is for you, K.:) ]

For the first time in a long time my morning started out GOOD.

We had a very busy day yesterday and some pretty tough days before that,

I often wake with not-so-happy-anticipation of what the day's going to hold. :(

But today, I woke early & didn't let the days probable "chaos" get me down.

I kind of  feel chipper.

And believe ir or not, even some of my non-morning people woke with more "sun-shining" today!

DJ, who typically doesn't speak until sometime after 9, was smiling & talkative, before 7:30am - well, talkative for him :) He even cracked a joke or two... GOOD morning!

Maybe this "GOOD attitude" stuff wears off on one another ;)

Who would of thought????

I'm not expecting a perfect day, but rejoicing in the GOOD start of this morning.

Thanking God for all "gifts" ... big & small!

"He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God."

Psalm 40:3



deflated

It's been another one of those days

A couple things have changed to heighten the emotions around here;

We live in Minnesota, and we got Snow, which really is the first significant snow of the season!

Mostly though, it's been the "fun" kind...

It's nice enough outside to get out and enjoy it,

the snow is sticky - perfect for snowman & fort building.

Due to the icy roads, school was even closed for a day this week,

presenting the perfect opportunity for us all to go out to play in it :)

So what's the problem you ask???

_______________________________________________

Weather is a Trigger

As we experience a big snowstorm here in Minnesota, I am reminded how much weather is a trigger for our kids. Weather is a sensory event and therefore connected to sensory memory, not verbal memory. As intentional parents, we have to consider the fact that weather can trigger that high-alert (limbic) system in our children. It might seem like a good idea to send a kid out to play in all of this new snow, but that's based on our experiences and our nonverbal history, not necessarily theirs. The same goes for the other seasons that bring many weather conditions. Weather is such a sensory experience...all the way from feeling the sun's heat on your skin to the taste of snowflakes and every rumble and raindrop in between.


These last few months have been so weird weather-wise and so unpredictable. So remember that if your kids are fighting you about going outside, forget how to put their boots on, or lose it when they come inside, they may have been triggered and sent to hight alert - a place where it is hard to come back from.

Identifying when our children have been triggered is key to addressing negative behaviors in a way that will keep life manageable and peaceful. If you would like to explore your child's triggers and set a plan in place to address them with specific tools and techniques, just go to www.tohavehope.com to reserve your coaching session

Hope Connections / Stacy Manning / http://www.tohavehope.com/ / Post Adoption Support

________________________________________________

I no more than read the words above and our day was off to a hard start :(

T. struggled to obey.

She became unwilling and unable to ready herself to go outside & refused help.

I found myself in need of many deep breaths.

We managed to get her outside, and for some time she definitely enjoyed the freshair & play time.

(Thanking God for little successes.)

~~~~~

Unfortunately, however, the turning of the calendar seems to be causing much turmoil as well.

I've mentioned a short time ago we would hit some painful anniversaries for T in the coming months

March is one of them.

So as we flipped the calendar once again,

many of us anticipate days of melting snow & more sunshine.

A time of year we begin planning for fresh starts & new life.

T. is filled with ANXIETY, fear & doubt

She pushes loved ones away, as she imagines whats in store for her this month & each month after that.

Trust is thin.

Pain is raw.

So much of this day proved to be a battle.

I felt like a "punching bag" in more ways than one 

...And I'm deflated...

~~~~

Praying

 for brighter days ahead.

for healing.

for restoration.

 for building trust.

and excepted care & love.

So very thankful for loving encouragement & the renewed strength in the words of His truth!

Thank you Jody for your willingness to care for me & my family, in all it's many forms.

I am We are blessed!

~~~~~

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I will delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulities.

For when I am weak, than I am strong.

II Corinthians 12:9-10

Thoughtful Thursday - Hattie Girl

I seem to lack on taking pictures of our golden retriever 'Hattie'. We call her "Hattie Girl", as a little nickname. She's really smart, and we love her a lot! She's 4 years old, and does some pretty neat tricks. But yesterday, after playing and running around in the snow - She got pretty tired. Since she was still (for the moment) I took some pics.

~Michlyn