a love letter.

Dear Family & Friends,

Someone recently shared with us some questions & concerns regarding the attachment methods we use with Tarekech. We don't want to go into lots of specifics nor do we want to become defensive. However, we would like to close the gap, even a little, between your perception and our true intentions, prayers & hopes for our precious daughter.

As it's always been the case, we parent EACH of our children with their unique needs in mind.
And Tarekech has experienced unfathomable grief & loss! Our daughter, born on the other side of the world, did NOT deserve to know hunger, sickness, & heartbreak like she has! She lost her birth country, culture and language; everything & everyone she ever knew and loved, all before the age of five! Imagine just a fraction of these losses for yourself or your child, and the heart ache seems too great for anyone to bear.

Because of her past traumas, Tarekech's needs are VERY DIFFERENT! Very Different from our other children, your children, grandchildren or the neighbors children.
In the same way, parenting Tarekech also needs to be different, very different. It is our love for Tarekech that gives us strength to provide for her in non-traditional ways. It's getting a glimpse of our sovereign Lord move mountain’s to bring our family together. It's trusting in His perfect plans and purposes for all our lives. It is holding to the promise that He works all things for good [Romans 8:28] that makes turning our world upside down to effectively love our daughter worth every bit of our chaotic & changed life. It's letting God transform our whole family and allowing Him to love Tarekech through us.

We don't expect you to fully understand. From our own experience, we know this is not something any one can truly grasp until they walked a mile in these shoes. We know life doesn't look like you might have expected it to when we joyfully grew our family through the miracle of adoption. After much time & energy invested in preparing for the special needs a hurt child could bring, it's different from what even we expected or planned for. We know!

BUT WE WON'T GIVE UP!
Our first goal for Tareh Jo is to give her a "one and only"... to allow her to depend not on herself but to trust in the care of her mom and dad. Studies indicate it can take twice the amount of time you were separate from one another before a child begins to be accepting of a “one and only”.
To do this, it's important that we (her mom & dad) meet all her needs. Tareh Jo's hurts run deep, but we are willing to do whatever it takes for however long it takes!
You can help by showing Tareh you support us (her mom & dad) and trust us to take care of her. We also ask that you avoid physical touch with Tareh - If you must pat, squeeze or shake, please, do so with us (her mom & dad), we will pass it on when the time is right. :D Even addressing your questions for Tareh toward us (her mom & dad), will help relieve some of the anxiety & pressure she feels to answer in a way she thinks you want her to.

Again we realize that much of what we're asking from you is the opposite of how we normally respond to children & other young people... But just as Tareh's needs are DIFFERENT so your interaction with her needs to be also. If you’re unsure what is helpful or not, don't hesitate to ask. We'll do our best to communicate our needs at the time.

We thank you for all you have done and continue to do to encourage and support our family. Please continue to uphold us in your prayers. Pray for healing for our little girl’s heart with us. And believe that DJ and I are the same two people who have always desired to be the best [parents] we can be. We don't take this responsibility lightly. We are working with (post)adoption professionals as well as spending time with other families going through similar trials. And most importantly we are leaning more on our God & His love for us than ever before ... We believe He will use every part of our journey for His glory!

Love in Christ,

DJ & Becky Fisher and family

"We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:2-5

Our New House: 6 Rooms 1 To Go

We are down to four more rooms in our house! I'm showing you three more rooms in this post, and then we'll be down to our last one. We are adjusting well to our house, and it's been a great 3 1/2 months so far. Enjoy the pictures!

Our dining room table 

We call this our "breakfast table", and we somtimes will use it as a buffet table.

A complete view of our dining room!

This is the boys' room. Can you tell? :) Lots of trucks, legos, and other boy stuff.

This is to the right, when you walk into the door. Their closet is so big! They have one of their dressers inside.

We have to be creative in their room for space. They have a lot of odds and ends and one is hanging their stuffed animals from the door.

The master-bedroom! I finally got a simple picture for you. 

A cute little nook my mom has on her side of the bed. My dad's great-grandfather made this chair! It is such a great memory of him. 

You might be wondering what the final and last room is that we still have to show you. That would be 'T's room! I have taken a few pictures, but the lighting can sometimes be really bad. Anyway we still have a few things to add to her room, and we hope to paint it too.

What projects are you working on?

Blessings,

~Michlyn

Update - 15 months

This is an in-between post, because yesterday [15 months ago] my parents brought 'T' home with them forever, and in four days [15 months ago] they all were in an airport coming to greet us.

'T' has been taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back in progress. Somedays I'm amazed at how well she listens, and other days I'm amazed at how her behavior can go comepletely backwards. This past week has been extremely hard... There has been arguments, fighting, disobedience, and sometimes she's remembering her losses.

All these things are usually happening when we're at school, and my mom is home. She is so worn out by the end of the day - between driving back and forth 3 times, and trying to stay calm on bad days.

Reverting backwards is tiring, and it feels like we're making no progress. She can fight, and fight, and fight, and there is usually nothing to stop her. Forever we will love her, and forever she will be with us no matter how many tough things we go through.

She is a very smart little girl, and sometimes a little too smart. She's spunky, she's got attitude, and we love her. We have to be reminded often of how God put her here with us for his specific purpose and plan. Not because of what we want to be "normal" again, or how much we want her pain to go away, but because it's His plan for us to help her.

'T' you're amazing, and we pray everyday for strength and wisdom to help you. We will never fully know or understand your story, and you will never fully know our lives before you came.

Jesus loves us no matter what - remember that.

In Him,

~Michlyn

A 'T' Update

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us! I know that there were many of you, and I just wanted to recognize you all for it. Our days are going a little bit better, and we've passed a few bumps along the way.

I don't know if I mentioned it before, but my mom is homeschooling 'T' this year. She has been learning slowly but well. Half of her time she is working at "Table Time". She's used to it, and keeping that routine will help with some of our transitions. So it's a healthier choice, to help her do her best.

My mom has been asked to help teach a few days this year at a preschool near our house. So this week, she has helped out two days. With 'S' going to everyday afternoon Kindergarten she has to get someone to watch 'T'. The first day a friend of mine, and super good babysitter watched them until 'S' went to school. Then, today my friend's mom came and watched them for a few hours. Since we try to keep it pretty low key, and don't go to many places, very often 'T' has had a couple hard days.

That spunky girl (and I do mean spunky) you see up there, has had a hard time listening. Sometimes she might not listen to directions, and will want her own way. She doesn't always use her nice words, and I know that a few things we're still working on. Today, I can tell that she's pretty tired just from the different routine from the past two days. Since we've been going to school, 'T' has had more stress than before.

When most days throughout the summer, she would be used to us all home with her. The first day we left for school, she had a hard time not focusing, and since she was on the "worrying side" she had a lot of that spunk come out. Now she's been having "bad thinking" as she calls it, (bad dreams) and often is still thinking, "Will they still be there in the morning?" "What will happen next?" All of these things going through her little brain, can sometimes make me feel nervous.

Just thinking, that my little 5 year old sister is worrying about those things, is somtimes hard to process. I can't imagine what's she's thinking, and we would all appreciate any prayers, as we still smooth out a few wrinkles. Of course I'd rather not explain in full detail how these attitudes have been driving us a little nuts, because that just wouldn't be fair to 'T'. We will choose to keep most things private, because it's best for our  family. 

I'm sure I'll get on here again soon, but as you can tell I've been pretty busy with homework, school, homework, youth group, and everything else life has been throwing at us.

Wishing you all a great Wednesday night!

Blessings,

~Michlyn

13 months - Wordless Wednesday

Nine Days

That's right. Only 9 more days of summer vacation! Wow! I can't believe that 3 months of a break from school is almost over. This year is going to be different though. I'll be heading back to a "building school", after 2 years of attending an online academy at home. I loved it! I've been on the waiting list for PACT for a very long time, and finally got in right in time for high school. I also think it's crazy I'll be starting high school. I just got my schedule a few days ago, and know a couple of my teachers. Also everyone else will be going to PACT, except for 'T'. She will be homeschooled this year, and I know she's going to do great. At first it wasn't our plan, but we know it will be a much better and healthier decision for her and our family. She'll be starting Kindergarten this year, and so will 'S'. (at PACT) 'J' will be attending 3rd grade! Whoa when did that happen?! Erin is starting 8th grade this year, and I'll be starting 9th grade. eeekkk

I think we're all pretty excited so far, except for the boys. 'J's classes were all on the lower floor of the school last year, so he's a bit uncertain of the transition, to be going to classrooms on the higher floor as well. 'S' attended 2 years of preschool, at the same school and is also nervous for the start of school at a new place.

As for Erin? She thinks it's a piece of cake! She's excited to see her friends more often, and start her classes. I've been asking her many questions about everything, so I can know what to expect. I'm not nervous yet. I think the nerves will hit after Open House, when we visit the school, and meet my teachers. Otherwise I'm very excited to start.

So as for these last nine days? I hope to make the best of them! Erin and I just got back from a SUPER fun 3 days with our grandparents and cousins. You can read about that here, as soon as I get to posting it. Now, we're off to look for backpacks.

Wishing you all a productive day!
Blessings,
~Michlyn

A Cozy Night | Brain Dump

I enjoy my friend Deborah's brain dumps, so I thought I'd write one out! Except it's just about our day! 

Today was a busy day! This morning, we packed a lunch, and headed to the beach to meet friends. It was perfect weather, and the water was great! Not too cold, and not too hot. We stayed there, and swam, and played at the park for a few hours, then headed home.

It was busy, fun, and tiring. We don't get out of the house too much, because it overwhelms 'T' too much. She can't have too much interaction with other kids other than her family or our day can be turned upside down pretty quickly. So far no tears or fighting, but we'll just see how the rest of the night goes. (Including bedtime.) *crossing my fingers*

I woke up to find my dad in bed with a bad headache. (argh those stinkin headaches.) Then, when we were on our way home from the beach he called and said it almost gone and he could manage it for a while. Thank the Lord! It's never fun to see him in pain, especially with one of his "killer migraines" as he has called them. :)

Now it's raining, and we're all cooped up in the house. A few hours after we got home from the beach we found out the air conditioning wasn't working, and it was 81F in the house! Whew... it was hot! Even laying on our leather couch wasn't comfortable. I'm happy to say that the AC guy just left, and it is now working! Yay! 

We ordered Chinese food tonight, and mmm it was good! Erin is downstairs watching some TV for a little while. (Did I mention we got cable TV? Oh I didn't? Well that's for a different post.) The boys, and 'T' are playing "Star Wars" and happily [so far] are playing with their glowing light sabers, around the house. Oh I just heard a cry...  My mom is sitting on the recliner, taking in the rest of the night until it's time for bed for the little ones.

For me, you might be wondering? Well, I'm sitting in the homework room posting this, and I might start embroidering another towel later. You can read about it later, on my blog when or if I finish it. I was going to clean out our very cluttered vehicle, but that didn't happen so we'll see if I can get to it tomorrow. The dishwasher is loaded, (thanks to me hehe) and I'm off to my room to start on my towel. Hopefully. I'll probably listen to my iPod to make it more fun! 

Wishing you all a wonderful evening! Be praying for us, 'T' has gone into "argue mode".

Blessings,
~Michlyn

What I'm going to miss...

What I'm going to miss at our old house...

1. The big open yard. 5 acres to run around on. Now we don't even have 1 acre.
2. The privacy. No neighbors looking through your windows.
3. The trees. We called it our "fence". It was almost a hedge that blocked the road from view.
4. The neighbors. We had amazing neighbors! Knew them forever, and now we're here where we don't know many people yet. Soon... We will soon.
5. The driveway. Nice and long, to ride our bikes up and down. Now it's a short one on a hill.
6. The tree I planted in the back. This tree was the one taller than the house. We could climb it, and had our tire swing on it. Now... we don't have one tree in our yard.
7. The deck. We didn't have a huge deck, but it was nice enough to hang our swimsuits out to dry, or to eat lunch at, on a nice summer day.
8. Our room... Yes it was small but it was my room, and I will always remember it.

The memories will forever be in my heart, but I will miss that place, no matter how small, or messy it was.

I'll miss it... I was a great 14 years! But now I have more memories to make, at a different place.

Blessings,

~Michlyn

Our New House: Next 3 rooms

I'll be posting three new rooms that managed to be clean enough to have some pictures taken. The three rooms I'll be posting are:

Kitchen
Homework Room
Entry Way

To start off - This is the kitchen.

I told you it was very orange! 

This is the homework room. It was originally the main dining room, but it's carpeted. No way are we going to be eating our food over carpet with 7 people! :)

Here is the entry way. It's small, but it has tile, and a much bigger closet to the right (which I couldn't get in this picture).

Hattie has claimed the spot at the bottom of the stairs. It's been a big transition for her too. 

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

~Michlyn

Achievements

Today, I'll be posting the things that 'T' has learned in a years time! It's amazing at what she has learned to do, and exceeds at a lot of it.

• She can speak English - I'm talking full blast! She understand everything we say, unless it's a new word that she's never heard before. Then we just have to explain it.


• She can sing her A, B, C 's - And knows her letters. Every once in a while she might ask for help.


• If you tell her how to write a word, she can write it down. You just have to tell her what letters to write down in order.


• She definitely can write her name! She knows how to spell her full name as well.


• 'T' absolutely LOVES coloring! She stays in the lines very well, and enjoys coloring princesses.


• 'T' can pump on the swing all by herself, and often has little "races" with 'S' to see who can get the highest.


• She has recently learned to ride a two-wheel bike. Her and 'S' have learned that within the last month.


• She doesn't know how to read of course... but she can't wait to learn. My mom has started reading her the Junie B. Jones books. My mom reads them with correct grammar though.


• She can do puzzles, although she can get frustrated easily when pieces don't seem to fit together. We mostly have her use open-ended items, just to make things easier. (Things you can't do wrong).

Those are most of the things that I can think of right now. It's good to see 'T' enjoying her "Table Time" and all of the things in her bag. Just because she's learned so much in just one year, doesn't make things any easier. She's still a spunky little girl, who has a mind of her own. We've also realized that if she goes to bed with a little attitude, then she will wake up with an attitude. Just to say the least... today is one of those days.

Hoping you all have a good day, full of adventures!

Blessings, ~Michlyn

HOME - One year ago

One year ago at 3:32 p.m. my parents, and new little sister were walking towards us in an airport. I remember saying "I see them!" I started walking towards them, holding back the tears, and I had the most amazing feeling inside. I smiled so big, and remember thinking "this is it." I finally get to meet her! My dad had the video camera, and yes I wish I could of posted that video and some day if I can figure it out, I will. My mom's parents were there, and our dear friends who watched us for 9 days!There were hugs, kisses, tears, and lots of introducing. Below are a few pictures of our adventures... a YEAR ago!

They met 3 other families in Ethiopia, who were also there to bring home their little ones. We actually got to meet them in Chicago last December! Also thinking of them, as their "Gotcha Days" are the same as ours! Birtukan was their host in the guesthouse that my parents and 'T' stayed in, and she was so kind to them! Silly 'T' checking things out, and staying busy on plane. Yes, there was a few moments of sadness, and frustration. Meeting her namesake Josi! We love her so much!
Finally! Our forever family, July 23rd, 2010! I can't believe it... it seems just like a couple of days ago, I had met her for the first time, and gave her a hug for the first time. If you would like to see a few more pictures of our homecoming then just go to last years post right here!

Wishing you all a wonderful day!


Blessings, ~Michlyn

Happy 1st Tarekech Day!

Yesterday marked our first "Gotcha Day"! A year ago yesterday, my parents were in Ethiopia and got to meet beautiful 'T' for the first time! You can probably tell in her big brown eyes all the emotions and thoughts that were going through her little mind. She was scared, she knew she was leaving, and didn't want anything to do with it. Being taken away from everything she once knew would definitely be scary. The nannies loved each and every child in her orphanage, and we couldn't imagine where she could of been without the love that they gave her.

In our house we call the orphanage the "sharehouse", because all the kids shared EVERYTHING you could think of. Clothes, toys, beds, and a whole lot more. Maybe they would "steal" things rather than share them, because when you're in an orphanage it's basically survival. The orphanage or "sharehouse" 'T' was at was called Shalom. Sadly because of some complications, our adoption agency does not work through Shalom anymore. :(

We've seen, and heard so many of 'T's friends from Shalom come home to America and we do stay in contact! One of 'T's BEST friends and her even got to Skype! They were both so excited to finally "see" each other again, and talk to each other. It was truly an amazing gift for both of them!

July 19th, 2010... In our arms forever!

Here's a little video of 'T' on the plane home! :)

Blessings,~Michlyn

Table Time

For the past 6 weeks, 'T' has been doing "table time". She does it everyday for 1-2 hours. This is a common tool that adoptive families use for their children. How long they do it is up to the family. My mom knows families who have been using "table time" for many years, and others who have just started. It was actually quite surprising to me that 'T' had been doing it for that long. "Table time" is a tool used to help child(ren) dis-engage from stresses caused by everyday transitions. Most adoptive children wake up everyday not knowing if their family will still be there, or if they're going to eat again, or maybe this is the day... the day I go back. It's heartbreaking to me to think my little 5 year old sister's broken heart has her worried about these things, something I never have. I can't imagine her hurt and loss but I trust and know that God is mending it back together piece by piece.
Through the recommendations of fellow adoptive families & an adoptive expert, my mom has 'T' currently doing "table time" twice a day everyday. In our house you can't get out of your bed until 7:30 am. It's a reasonable time for the little ones especially, because I can promise you that Erin and I do not get up at 7:30 am every morning just for the fun of it! :) So every morning 'T' gets up, goes to the table with mom's assistance and starts using the fun activities in her "table time bag". A few things in this bag include: polly pockets, coloring books, crayons, markers, plain paper, safety scissors, and glue sticks. It's nessecary the bag only includes open-ended items. (Items that you can't do wrong...ex: puzzles) Of course my mom will take this time to attempt to rest, but usually fails. One of the table time rules is it's quiet time but 'T' tries asking lots of questions... Mom generaly answers with "sshhh, it's quiet time." or "we'll talk about it after table time."
The time of day or how long your child does it depends on your family's schedule and other plans.

Here are few pictures of 'T' during "table time"...

"Table time" is a time for her to stay focused, because it can also help the time to go by faster. We are proud of 'T' more and more everyday, and excited at how much progress she's made in the last 11 months. WOW!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone, and I will try to post again soon!

Blessings,

~Michlyn

Warning: Rough Road

Today, was the last day of swimming lessons for all of us. (not including me) Due to some meltdowns my mom decided that it would be best for 'T' to stay home. She has said goodbye to so many things in her life, that we need to keep things as simple as possible. Coming up on our one year "Gotcha Day" you'd think that it would be easier. That's what we wish too, but around this time each year (Gotcha Day) it gets harder. One year, is a HUGE milestone. But, as I sit here at the dining room table writing this, 'T' is still having a hard day.

As I've mentioned before, we like to call it our "roller coaster ride". We notice that almost every time that we have a few busy days, or one busy day for that matter, that 'T' gets overwhelmed. Whether it's seeing friends, going places, or being busy at home, she just takes it all in and it can upset her pretty easily. One event that we all thought she was going to have the hardest time was her birthday. Around that time, was when we started to notice how she can have hard days after so many events.

To our surprise she did amazingly well for the next week. Usually it will be a couple days after, but she held it together for about a week! :) That was one of our small steps into learning how we can make better choices for our family.

With 10 days of swimming lessons already done, we're onto our next choices for the summer. It went by so quickly, and they ALL did great! 'T' has started arguing ALOT. Whether it's what we're having for dinner, or something we're doing she has to argue about it. One of the best ways to not accept this behaivor is to ignore it. If my mom is making something for dinner and 'T' starts to argue or complain about it, my mom will ignore it and continue.

Sometimes 'T' will see that as a chance to keep saying things under her breath, or she may just be annoyed that it simply didn't bug us. Yes, she pushes lots of our buttons but we're still working on that. One of us (the kids) might be having a particular bad day because of fighting, or siblings just annoying us. So, what we have started is "dates". A day that mom brings one of us alone to do something special, with just her.

Some of the things that we've done: (depends on our age) :)
M: Shopping, and renting a movie.
E: I think she still has a date to set.
J: His is coming up.
S: Smoothie, and a toy for doing a great job at his doctor's app.
T: She also had a doctor's app... Smoothie and a few goodies to bring home

I'm sorry this post got SUPER long, but just thought I'd update. I wish there was a detour we could take on this road trip, but God has it all in his hands. Thank you to everyone who has
continually been praying for our family! We appreciate it more than words can explain!

Have a wonderful day!
In Christ,
~Michlyn

On a roller coaster

Yesterday was a very rainy day. Some rainy days are good for being with family, playing a board game, and having some hot cocoa. But yesterday it rained ALL day. Not only was it raining and making the day quite boring, but 'T' was having a hard day.

She usually gets this way when she has a friend over, or goes over to a friend's house. Yesterday was that day. When these days occur, my mom can usually tell right away. There's usually some attitude, ignorance, and disobidience. Sometimes it hard to tell though, because 'T' has a very tricky mind.

These days are what we call our "roller coaster ride". Going up and down, up and down, upside down, and through many tunnels. So some things that 'T' decided to do yesterday included: Painting her friends nails without mom's permission, being sneaky with things she knew she couldn't do, and purposely saying things mom doesn't like.
'T' usually will start off saying "I love you" many times, and waiting for my mom's response. Then with in an hour (at least) she'll be saying mean words, not listening to directions, or just being stubborn. Some "tips" that my mom likes to use are:

1. Having 'T' look at my mom's eyes when she's talking.

2. Have 'T' repeat what my mom said so she understands.

3. Have 'T' ask for an apology.

We also notice that after a playdate if 'T' had been disobidient, she'll usually be worse the next day. She'll continue to want to be in control, want her way (or no way), and continually ask questions that she knows that the answer will be no. When 'T' asks these questions, my mom tries her best to ignore them without it being noticeable, or answering with a kind explanation.

Of course 'T' will point the finger at one of us, and use it to make us look like "the bad guy". 'T' is still learning, and has grown so much! We're proud of her, and yet pray for her and peace on such days. Today is Friday; last day of the school week, a school day for 'T', and the start of a hopefully great weekend.

'T' started out the morning great, and was on and off through out the morning. She was happy, kind, and ready to go to school! Praise God for answered prayer, and a good Friday!

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for our family, and our transition. We will also continue to pray for moms (and families) that are going through the same thing. I admire those moms who probably have the most patience EVER!

Have a great weekend everyone!

In Him,

~Michlyn